We just returned from our second annual Ancient Faith Singles Retreat 30+! We hosted approximately 130 Orthodox Christian adults who are unmarried (single, widowed, or divorced), dedicated to their faith, and frankly interested in meeting other Orthodox Christians in the same season of life. Our good friends at Antiochian Village Conference and Retreat Center offered their usual splendid hospitality, and despite the snow, we had a wonderful time.

There's a lot to love about the singles retreat. The people who come to it are the best part. It's a vulnerable, nerve-wracking thing to go to a singles retreat, and these good humans go out of their way to be kind to each other. They encourage each other, they make sure everyone has someone to sit with at dinner, and they throw themselves enthusiastically into every activity we offer. At the end of the weekend, we were sorry to part with them. As one of our speakers said, "I wish I could take you all home to my parish."

You may not know that Ancient Faith constantly receives messages, emails, comments at events, survey responses, phone calls, and letters from people telling us how we're doing, what they need, and how we could better serve them. (We treasure these communications. Don't ever stop talking to us! We love to hear from you!)

A few years ago, we began hearing from Orthodox singles via these channels, and we realized we weren't doing much to minister to their needs. We looked around, and we didn't see many other efforts to serve Orthodox singles either, especially not singles who were well into their adult life.

We started a Facebook group as a first step. It had two goals: to provide a simple context for Orthodox Christian singles to meet each other, and to enable Ancient Faith staff to communicate directly with singles and learn from them. We were clear from the beginning that this group was not "a dating service." We go on record often with our belief that dating apps and online interactions can never replace in-person community as a way to meet a future spouse (or as a way to do most other human things). Yes, people have met their future husband/wife in our group, and we are delighted for them! But that's in the hands of God, not by any orchestration from Ancient Faith.

That first group quickly became several groups. Upon request, we next created a group for Orthodox Christian single parents, and one for singles over the age of 40, although the original group (now well over 1500 members) is for all ages.

We observed some common themes in our conversations with Orthodox singles. They often feel left out at church, as if they are members only on the fringe in contexts where most of the attention and activities are directed to those who are married already, especially those married with children. It's deeply frustrating to be kept "on the outside" because of your single state. While many single people are content to remain single, many are actively seeking marriage, and both groups sometimes feel judged or excluded because of this aspect of their life over which they have little, if any, control.

We were surprised to hear how many people are accosted by fellow parishioners who pressure them to embrace monasticism if they are still single after their 30th birthday. Needless to say, monasticism (like marriage) is a vocation, and unsolicited advice at coffee hour is not how vocation works.

We were also saddened to learn how many of the singles were shy, almost embarrassed, to admit their desire to get married. Marriage is a sacrament! It is blessed, endorsed, supported, celebrated, and greatly treasured in the church. Especially as we reflect on the many articles agonizing on "how to keep young people in the church," it must be obvious that Orthodox Christians should be encouraged to pursue marriage as a way of life. Our parishes should fling loving arms around their unmarried members and help them on their way.

We noticed another recurring theme - the practical problem of geography. I received letters from priests that went like this: "We would love to support our singles, but all the singles in our parish are men." "We have so many single women at our parish. It's too bad there aren't any single Orthodox men." So many people are convinced that "there aren't any single Orthodox women" or "there aren't any single Orthodox men," because that's the reality locally. There are hundreds of single Orthodox Christians. Maybe thousands. But they're scattered all over the map, and they don't know who else is out there.

It didn't take long to realize that what the singles in our Facebook group truly wanted - and needed! - was a real-world place to meet each other. There's no replacement for in-person events. We are incarnate, and ours is an incarnational faith. As an internet ministry, we KNOW what can be accomplished online, and we know the importance of bringing Orthodox Christian ministry to the wider world through the digital tools we have been given. But we also know that's not enough. Gathering together in faith and love is a holy thing.

When we launched our singles retreat, the response was immediate and wildly enthusiastic. For a few weeks after the 2024 retreat launched, we had 3 men registered and 29 women. I began to ask myself what would happen if that ratio continued. But this was needless worrying. Word spread, one person telling another, and in the end, we had 70-some men and 70-some women at that first event. Like the group this year, they were special. They were deliberately kind to each other, they thanked us for caring about them, and several of them have married each other since the retreat.

People often ask me why our retreat is for ages 30 and older. What about singles in their 20s?

There is so much need and so few resources for Orthodox singles of any age. We're a small ministry, and we couldn't serve all the needs at once, so we began where we saw the greatest need. Our singles told us that most efforts are either directed at young singles or attempt to serve all the ages simultaneously, which does not work. An event for "singles ages 18-40" overlooks the enormous gap in maturity and experience between someone who just graduated from high school and someone more than 20 years older. Clearly, it was important to minister to these life stages separately, and we saw more events for those under 30, or even 40, than for adults well beyond their college days.

For those who may not be aware of them, here are three outstanding events for Orthodox young adults that we heartily recommend. We know people who have attended all three, and we hear good things about them.

Connect Conference: "The goal of the conference is to better connect us to our faith, the Church, and each other through shared learning, worship, and fellowship. The weekend will include keynote addresses to the group, breakout sessions in smaller groups with time for Q&A, worship times including the Divine Liturgy, and plenty of opportunities to connect with one another.... The Connect Conference is for young adults, from ages 21 to 39. Whether you're in grad school, working, married, or single: if you're seeking to increase your faith and devotion to Christ and connect with other Orthodox Christians, this conference is for you!"

Antiochian Village Adult Camp: "Adult Camp is for anyone ages 21+ who wants to spend a weekend in the beautiful natural setting of Antiochian Village Camp and grow in our Orthodox Christian Faith. Whether you are 21, 51, or 101 years old, you’re never too old for camp! Come and enjoy fellowship with each other, daily services, Christian Education, afternoon program, arts & crafts, evening program, our ropes course, and much more!

We will have a coffee bar & tea lounge, a wine & cheese social, and plenty of time to relax!"

Orthodox Young Professionals Conference: "The Orthodox Young Professional Conference is a 4 day, 3 night experience hosted by the Antiochian Orthodox Christian Archdiocese.  Young Orthodox Christians from across the country and all jurisdictions are invited to join together in a weekend of fellowship and fun. Those involved in the planning hope for an opportunity for spiritual growth, future friendships, lasting memories and more." Who's it for? "A young adult who is beyond college years navigating through the daily struggles of life as an Orthodox Christian through their mid-twenties, thirties and early forties."

We're already planning the 2026 edition of our Ancient Faith Singles Retreat 30+. We love this event, and we can also see that it's not enough. We'd love to host an event for those over 30 and another event for those over 50. We'd love to see smaller, regional events spring up, so that singles could meet each other more than once per year, and to serve those who can't afford to travel to a national event.

Most of all, we'd love to see a national Orthodox Christian Singles Ministry established. Hosting such an organization is beyond the scope of Ancient Faith's mission and ability to staff. But we see the need, and we hope more and more of our fellow Orthodox Christians will begin to see it, too.

During our 2025 singles retreat, we hosted a town hall meeting, and we asked our guests to brainstorm what a national singles ministry could look like. What do real Orthodox singles wish such a ministry would provide? How might it be organized? How could they be involved?

It was an outstanding session, and we took good notes. I'll be sharing them in another post soon.

In the meantime, I encourage you to look around at your fellow parishioners. As one of our singles says, look for who in your parish is lonely. Loneliness is everywhere around you. Find a lonely person to sit with at coffee hour or in church. Find a single person who is having Christmas dinner alone, far from home. Reach out. You will be welcomed. The solution to many human problems isn't complicated. It just takes some attention.

Holy St. Xenia, pray to God for us!