Welcome to Family Matters: Fully Human Edition. This month I’m reaching out to parents, especially parents who have children with unique needs which warrant unique responses during such holiday seasons when our schedules change dramatically and leave us with conundrums of how to operate with some peace and joy through all the changes.

Most families feel the stress of changing schedules, intense visiting, traveling, and the over-stimulation of their children, but for some of us all this activity can interrupt the finely-tuned machine we have come to manage with precise sensitivity. When we stray from norms, it can be like a wheel disengages from its axle on our family car, and we crash along the berm of life’s highway. We are left feeling stranded, alone, insecure, and in danger. Anxiety makes us blind to any blessings that could be ours, because we have lived through too many similar mishaps and difficulties to trust that these types of changes can be less than terrible.

And reflecting on the first Christmas and all its original participants, I’ve come away with some sentiments from the first parents who navigated the special needs of the most special Child ever to be born. I’ve taken the liberty to speak on their behalf in first-person narrative style. I hope I represent them and the special families who are trying to follow in their footsteps adequately. This is a message from Joseph and Mary: Consider Me.

Consider me, Joseph, when you are tempted to judge or correct your spouse for their mistakes or their parental shortcomings, especially in front of other people, friends, and family. Remember, before the angel visited me, I thought my betrothed wife had committed adultery, and still I was willing to secretly put her away, to spare her any public shame.

Consider me when God’s call to you to take care of a special child seems above your pay grade. I was older in years, and still God gave me the strength to protect and provide for my family in the midst of difficult journeys and living in strange lands.

Consider me, Joseph, when experiences in your family leave you wondering how your offspring can really be from God. I also felt tempted by the humbleness of a human Child. I wondered: Could this Child really be from God, when I see him born in a stable amongst unclean animals, needing all the care and protection that any other child would need, and sometimes more? Your child’s humble circumstances make them no less heaven-sent.

Consider me when your family Christmas gatherings need to be more isolated to protect your more vulnerable members. I traveled to distant lands, far from my kinsmen and friends, in order to protect the Child God entrusted to me.

Consider me when you do not know the next best step to make for your child’s welfare. I used my logic and reasoning when I took my family to Bethlehem to register for the legal census, but I listened carefully and obeyed God’s messengers when dangers presented themselves to our family. Maybe you won’t see visions of angels, but you have prayer, God’s word in holy Scripture, the saints, guidance of priests and spiritual elders, and caring Christians who want to help you understand God’s will for your children. Ask God to help you to recognize his messengers and to understand their messages.

Consider me, Joseph, when you get stuck in fear because of outside threats your family faces. I didn’t let such circumstances become the modus operandi for our family. We were refugees in Egypt for a time to avoid Herod’s wrath, but we listened to God’s guidance and cautiously entered back into our community life in our hometown when the coast was clear. Your children may always need extra protection because of developmental or medical considerations, but they can grow in strength and maturity. You can proceed with caution, and perhaps certain limitations.

Consider me when your life seems to be without joy and wonder, during seasons that are supposed to be full of joy and wonder. I sat and witnessed the birth of Jesus Christ and still was despondent with doubts, but I remained loyal to the family God gave me, and so can you.

Consider me, Mary, when you think you are too immature or unskilled to handle a special child. I was a sheltered teenager with little life experience, but God chose me for my Son, and he chose you for your child. He knows what you can handle, with his help and with the help of other people.

Consider me when situations in your life seem impossible. The Angel Gabriel used the example of my older cousin, Elizabeth, and her miraculous conception to show me that with God all things are possible. Tough times will come when answers for your family seem elusive. Try to connect with other families who are further along in their journeys with their special children. You may not find exact answers for your child, but you will find solidarity and encouragement from those families’ abilities to weather similar storms.

Consider me when you start to compare your child to others who seem to be more typically gifted. Remember how, in the Holy Spirit, I exclaimed, “He has put down the mighty from their thrones and exalted those of low degree.” Jesus himself said, “The last will be first,” in his kingdom. God likes to hide in the disguise of those who seem poor by worldly standards. Your child is beloved of God, and so are you.

Remember me when I prophesied, “He has regarded the low estate of his handmaiden,” if you start to compare yourself to other mothers and wonder if your children’s struggles are because of something you’ve done wrong. Your child’s lot is not a curse, and you are not forsaken. God loves every person equally—immeasurably.

When you do lament what your children are lacking, consider me. When there was no room in the inn, God provided a cave for me to have my baby. No blankets to warm him, but I had swaddling cloths. No bed to lay my precious Child, but a manger with hay was provided. God may not give us everything we want for our children, but he will not leave them or us without what we need.

Consider me when you, for your child’s sake, must sacrifice being in the company of your loved ones on holidays. Perhaps God is inviting you into the sacred silence into which his holiness chose to be born on that holy day so many ages ago. All silence has the potential to bear God’s holiness. Be still and know that he is God.

Consider me, Mary, when strange visitors approach you with well-meaning praises about your children. It is true, they may not see all the difficult parts of raising a child with challenges, but they just might be heaven-sent to remind you, as the shepherds reminded me, that God’s light shines through children born in humble bodies and humble circumstances.

Consider me when I welcomed these shepherds, if humble persons, those who are on society’s fringes, are drawn to your child. And rejoice and be glad, because Christ himself came to seek and save the lost, and he did so as a humble, vulnerable Child. Your child as a share in Jesus’ soul-seeking work, and by you welcoming such poor persons’ presence, you glorify God.

Consider my ability to receive gifts graciously from the Magi, if God sends wealthy people to honor you and your family with extravagant gifts. Try to be receptive of the gifts they bear, forsaking your pride, because in doing so you allow them, once again, to honor the Christ Child.

Like me, ponder the circumstances of your child’s life in your heart. Prayerfully ask God to enlighten you to his ways and accept the mysterious parts of your child’s life as an invitation into deeper contemplation. Your children will benefit as you bear witness to the events of their lives and raise up the signpost memories of God’s presence, guidance, and saving glory within.

Dear parents, consider us, Mary and Joseph, and turn to us in all your joys and sorrows. We want to intercede for all the difficulties you and your children face, to comfort you. He who made us his earthly parents enlarged our ability to embrace every member of the vast body of Christ.

Consider us as your dear friends, because we’ve been there, we’ve endured, and we’ve seen what God can do with humble beginnings. God’s power is made perfect in weakness, and he is inviting you and your family to live like we did, with trust in his plan, simply, humbly, in spite of and even through the challenges you endure, the doubts you are assailed with, and the fears you can’t seem to shake. Come, and see the place where we laid him, and believe.