Presvytera Melanie DiStefano: Welcome to Family Matters: Fully Human edition. My name is Melanie DiStefano, and today I am pleased to be with the Christy family. Christ is risen!

Christy family: Truly he is risen!

Presv. Melanie: Let me tell you a little bit about the Christy family. So last month I spoke with William Christy, and today I will be speaking with Fr. Paul, Presvytera Mary, and his twin sister, Gabriella, along with William. Let me tell you a little bit about them.

Fr. Paul is in his tenth year as the protopresbyter of Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox Church in Raleigh, North Carolina, and has been a priest for over 31 years. Presv. Mary is a licensed CPA and serves in various leadership roles at the metropolis and national levels in addition to her career as a chief financial officer for various non-profit organizations. They have three children—Daniella, Gabriella, and William. William and Gabriella are here today speaking with us, along with Fr. Paul and Pres. Mary.

William received his master’s degree in English at North Carolina State University, where he is currently tutoring student athletes. His twin sister, Gabriella, received her master’s degree and is a fully licensed clinical mental health counselor and licensed in play therapy. Welcome!

Presvytera Mary Christy: Thank you. Thank you for having us.

Presv. Melanie: It’s my pleasure. I had such a beautiful conversation with William last month, and I’m just pleased to continue the conversation with his lovely family.

Presv. Mary: Thank you.

Presv. Melanie: So one thing that really stood out was that, in William’s experience with cerebral palsy, he really turned to his faith to address the challenges that he faced. That doesn’t come out of a vacuum; that obviously comes from a life immersed in Christ. So just to further distill how that happened, we want to ask some questions to the entire family. Fr. Paul and Pres. Mary, when William was diagnosed with cerebral palsy, how did your faith inform your response to the diagnosis?

Presv. Mary: So I wanted to share with you that William and his twin sister were born very premature. They were born at 30-and-a-half weeks, and all inclination at that point was that everything was fine; they were just good eaters and sleepers in the NICU, brought them home. Of course, I had a child previously, Daniella, who was born on her due date, so I really didn’t know what milestones to expect, to be honest with you. And no inclination; nobody said, “There’s a problem,” blah blah blah.

So Fr. Paul accepted his assignment in Memphis, and I was in Chicago, and a dear friend asked me to look into William, having herself had premature children, not twins. She said, “You know, I don’t think anything’s wrong, but you might want to look into it. He’s not doing as much as Gabriella’s doing as far as balancing, etc.” So, at 14-and-a-half months, William was diagnosed with cerebral palsy, which came as a huge shock to us, and immediately Christ was in my life, of course, and I clung to him and within hours accepted the diagnosis, and all I wanted to do at that point was to take care of my son and my family, and then I still had to tell Fr. Paul, who was in Memphis; I was in Chicago.

I think that response is what helped me the most. I’ll ask Fr. Paul to address what happened at that point.

Fr. Paul Christy: Yes, after liturgy she set me down in my office and said, “I have horrible news for you,” and I was thinking, “What’s the worst here?” But then she said, “William has been diagnosed with CP,” and I said, “Is that it!?” [Laughter] I said, “Is it life-threatening?” and she said, “No.” I said, “This is nothing! We can do this! I’ll tell you why,” and my initial response was not from a faith thing, if I can say that. Later it was, but at first it wasn’t, because I had worked with… I had done some adaptive physical education classes, and I have worked with people with disabilities. Oh my goodness, I was so impressed! I actually looked forward to going to see them, in the midst of classes when I was in lectures and bored out of my mind, I would think to myself, “Oh good, I get to see little Kathy today.” [Laughter] Oh my goodness, it was just… So I knew that they each had their own little personalities. The first thing I could see was all at the dinner table, each little child doing their own thing, and that’s how I saw it. It was not a problem.

However, once the thought came to me that, “Okay, I’m okay with this, but what about William? Will he be okay with this?” Oh my goodness, I had to cling to the Lord at that point. I remember going up the stairs to the choir loft in Memphis, and on the way up those stairs, just to be by myself, on the way up the stairs I saw this stained glass window with a cross and a crown, and I thought, “There is my answer,” that, yes, there’s a cross, but on the other side of that cross, through patient endurance and everything else, there is going to be a crown. And, boy oh boy, has William come through in that area. Oh my goodness! I was worried about… I was not worried about my reaction; I was worried about his, and there is… ah! I was so pleasantly surprised.

Presv. Melanie: What strikes me from hearing your response is that, Presvytera, you so eloquently described your experience with having premature twins, another toddler at home, your husband being in a completely different part of the country, and then getting this news! That had to be very difficult. I mean, you said it in a way, and I know it’s been many years since it happened, but you said it in a way like it was nothing, and I’m thinking to myself, “My gosh, that was hard!” Just having young children is hard, let alone, on top of that, not having your spouse right there, and then having the diagnosis offered to you when you’re alone. I myself experienced that, and it was very hard emotionally to not have my spouse with me when I got certain news. So that can be really hard, and then to hear, Fr. Paul, how beautiful, that God almost prepared you for this at a time in your life when William wasn’t even in the picture, and you had this experience of people with disabilities that was so positive, and it helped you see things in a different way. That was beautiful.

So, leading into that a little further, William and Gabriella are twins, and they have an older sister, Daniella. You had to raise three children. Initially they were all under the age of two when you brought the twins home, so this can be really challenging. What were some of the blessings and challenges that you experienced while raising them, with the added challenge of things that had to do with cerebral palsy?

Fr. Paul: What blessings? What are you talking about? [Laughter] Three kids under two years old! It was a total blur!

Presv. Melanie: I’m sure that’s true! Sometimes, looking back on those years, you wonder how you even got through it.

Fr. Paul: Exactly, yeah.

Presv. Mary: Well, okay, Fr. Paul did say, and I said you should mention it, the first five years were a blur; yes, this is true. What happened, Presv. Melanie, I’m so glad that you said it so kindly. Again, there were a lot of tears shed during that time. I feel like I mourned the loss of my healthy son—I want to be honest in that—but I clung to God and to the family to just do a quick adjustment and say, “Okay, let’s make William’s experience the most amazing experience in life, and to focus on the capabilities.”

As I mentioned, I was trying to sell the house in Memphis—excuse me, in Chicago. Father was assigned to Memphis. So it was difficult. And my father-in-law, who was my fiercest advocate in all the family dynamics, he became ill. So we had three major things happening at the same time, and I was working seven days a week basically to make sure we could pay everything and make sure that we could provide William with all the resources that he needed. I would be working, and I would leave, go take him to physical therapy, take him to occupational therapy, take him to speech therapy, to see the neurologist, see the orthopedic surgeon.

Through that process, became a member of the board—no shock there [Laughter]—of the place that provided therapy for 0-3, and then the children’s hospital asked me to be on their board. So at my fingertips I had all the resources that I needed. It took a lot of research, too. I was a mom on a mission, and my mission was not just to help William. My mission was to help anybody in a similar situation, so whatever I would learn, I would share with the hospital system and say, “We need to do this at the hospital for others,” and to this day they have brought in new procedures. But I will tell you, it was survival for the greater good. That’s how I would say those years. Raising three, demanding schedules, school system, projects, work, church, and not having any family near us, so I relied heavily on help from the church families that would come and watch the children while I would take William to his appointments. I hope that’s helpful.

Presv. Melanie: Absolutely. My first impression was how you’re like the Bionic Woman. I can’t even imagine all of that, but at the same time it’s true: we don’t realize how much we can manage with God’s help and with the help of others in our community. Sometimes the plate seems so full, but if we don’t think so much about it and we just do it, it gets done.

Fr. Paul: Yeah, when you’re in survival mode, you just do it. I remember that one would wake up in the middle of the night, which I hated. [Laughter] I got up, took care of the one, and then all of a sudden another one would cry, and then I would take care of that, half asleep, and then the third one would cry. I would say, “Wait a minute! I have three kids?” I couldn’t believe it, in the middle of the night. But I tell you what, the blessing—I remembered a blessing!

Presv. Melanie: [Laughter] Good!

Fr. Paul: It was how Presvytera prepared these children for church and for school or whatever, and how cute they were and how everybody just loved them. They were just lovable, so cute and everything. So, thank you, Presvytera.

Presv. Mary: Oh, you’re welcome. I want to mention two things, and this has to do with the faith. In Memphis, in the Annunciation Church in Memphis, we had a platytera that was overwhelming; it was so beautiful. Her hands would reach out, and I became very, very, very close with my patron saint, Panagia, and would often look at her eyes and pray for strength. That really [sustained] me; it still does.

And the second thing I wanted to share with you and with those listening is I counted my blessings immediately. God made sure that I knew my blessing at the onset, and I will share that short story to give the twins time to answer your questions. I basically was alone at the hospital when the twins were born. They were taken from me by C-section and whisked by ambulance to a hospital that could care for them. So Fr. Paul informed me that, well, I’ve got to go do the GOYA Olympics, so I’ll see you on Saturday—this was Wednesday morning! [Laughter] And he took, of course, Daniella, with him. So I was alone. I worked at the hospital, and somebody thought it would be a good idea to let me get rest. It was very sad for me, I have to admit. That was probably one of the darkest moments in my life, being alone. I had all these flowers, and all the other mothers would use them as backdrops for their photos; they wanted to know if they were for sale. I was just like: “Where are my children? Where are my children? I want my children!”

So I was discharged I think Saturday, and went to see the children, and there was a priest there that was from a community from an hour away, and we knew him. I was in a wheelchair, Father was strolling me or whatever, although I felt fine; I didn’t really need the wheelchair, but that’s what they were doing with me at the time. I said, “Well, Father, why are you here?” And he said, “Well, why are you here?” I said, “Please pray for us. We just had premature twins, a boy and a girl, and they’re in the NIC Unit upstairs,” and I said, “Why are you here?” He says, “Well, my parishioner just gave birth to premature twins, but they didn’t make it.” And when I heard that, and I had prayed the whole time once my water broke for the Lord to save my twins—“Please take care of my twins. Please, Lord”—the whole time Father was getting me to the hospital, and then they had to make all these emergency decisions and have a team in the room, and Father and Daniella were just outside the room. I remember that response from that priest, and to this day I never forget it. I thank God every day. My only request of God that was that William could speak to me. That was important to me, that he could communicate with me. It’s a blessing beyond belief, as Father said, that the crown is so glorious, because we all have crosses. We all have crosses. I wanted to share that.

Presv. Melanie: Yes, we do. Thank you for sharing that. It’s very powerful and honest, and sometimes God does send us those reminders to count the blessings. It helps us deal with any of the challenges, just being informed that other people don’t have the blessing of their children suviving.

Presv. Mary: Exactly.

Presv. Melanie: It is a great reminder to us that, even though it can be challenging as we watch our children enduring the struggles they must, the gratitude for their lives is definitely there with that awareness.

So let’s talk to Gabriella and William! [Laughter] Maybe you both can share a little bit about your relationship. What was it like when you were children? What have you learned from each other over the years? Just tell us a little bit about yourselves.

Ms. Gabriella Christy: All right, so this is Gabriella. Of course, we’re twins, so we’re very close. William is one minute older than me, which he will never let me forget. [Laughter] He likes to say, “The best and most quiet 60 seconds of my life…” [Laughter] Anyway. So in a lot of ways, he just has that typical older-brother type of attitude, but I love that, so in dealing with him as a twin brother, he was very into WWE. We would move the living room table out of the way so he could practice the German suplex on me, so I never saw him as anything less than my twin brother. [Laughter]

I only became more aware of his physical disability when other kids would start to look at him, and I would puff out my chest and give them a face, and William would say, “Now, Gaby, calm down. They don’t know.” He was always trying to tell me to calm down, and I was like: “Well, why don’t you get upset?” I have always been very protective. I walk right next to him. When we would go to church, I would be the one getting his walker out of the trunk. That’s just my duty, my job; I love doing things to help my brother. But always close, to this day. We have the same best friends. We are very close, and I am very thankful for our relationship.

Mr. William Christy: And I would add to that, about the best friends part. Part of what’s made my relationship with Gabriella as close as it is is that when there were days where I was just hanging around by myself, playing video games or watching wrestling or watching TV, and I just didn’t have anyone over, sometimes Gaby would have someone over, and would say, “Hey, we’re going to go swim in the pool, do you want to come?” or “We’re going to play this game. You want to play with us? You want to play Uno or something?” It wasn’t just an inclusion part of it; she wanted me to actively participate and do something with them. She was always wanting me to be involved, and made me feel like I mattered, more than just the five people in the family. So with that, it’s made me feel that I can go to her for anything, that if I’m ever going through something like a personal issue or a personal problem, she’s always been there to just give me a little sound advice, because she’s probably going through those same things, too. It’s a good relational aspect, or a relatable aspect to our siblingship or twinship.

Presv. Melanie: That’s very beautiful, and I’m guessing that Gaby probably didn’t have any friends that wouldn’t be of the character to completely embrace you, and if they didn’t embrace you, she’d probably tell them to get lost. [Laughter]

Mr. Christy: Yep.

Presv. Melanie: That’s really sweet. I’ve always been fascinated by the twin relationship. I just find it so amazing, just the bond that can be there. It’s really beautiful.

Ms. Christy:  Me, too. I would meet William’s friends, and they would say, “William, you have a twin?” What!? That was the first thing I tell people about me. [Laughter] So, thank you, Presvytera.

Presv. Melanie: Thank you, Gaby. I think maybe it’s a girl thing, too. Guys don’t always share as much as we think! [Laughter]

Fr. Paul: Over communication, that’s what I say. [Laughter]

Presv. Melanie: As William said, the first 60 seconds were the most peaceful of his life… [Laughter]

So, being a clergy family: let’s talk a little bit about that. I wonder how your family unit functions. Were you always able to be fully included in church activities? Maybe if you could just share some of the ways you were able to participate and other ways that seemed that, maybe because of cerebral palsy, you weren’t able to participate in family, maybe social activities, things like that.

Fr. Paul: I had him participate as an altar boy when he turned eight years old. The Memphis altar was big enough that he could use his walker, and there wasn’t a lot of steps going down and everything. So he was able to manage that, and he was able to be in the altar with me, and I think it meant something to him, and it meant something to all of us, and it meant something to the community as well. But I remember this one lady, Mrs. Karkatzoukis. She was going through a lot of pain, diabetes and everything, but then all of a sudden William would come into the picture, and this beautiful smile came over her face, just looking at him. So, yes, there was that kind of embracing and everything.

However, not 100%. I remember… I think in a previous podcast William was telling you about wanting to go out for a basketball team at school, and I said, “William, I don’t know how that’s possible.” I didn’t want to say no, because, who knows, maybe I would be on the cover of Time Magazine: “The Father Who Said Yes!” or something. [Laughter] So I didn’t say no, but I didn’t know what to say. And then going out for the school team… And then I came up with an idea of having the GOYA play the parish council, and I played with the parish council. So it was this great game; everybody showed up. William was sitting in the stands and said, “Well, Dad, aren’t I in GOYA?” And I just—“Oh my God, what am I going to do?” I think he told you in the podcast that almost the next day, his friend calls out of nowhere and says, “Hey, Will, there’s a wheelchair basketball league starting up,” and I go: “YES! Whatever it is, yes!” [Laughter] So it’s as if the Lord does open up these things, if you just hang in there and not be overwhelmed by what appears to be a huge obstacle.

Presv. Melanie: Right, and, you know, even just sharing that is even helpful, because many children who want to fully participate in the activities in their church circles don’t always have a chance. I think just creating—thank God there was that other opportunity that arose for William. That might not always be the case, and it would be ideal—and I don’t think it’s too much to shoot for—that our churches could become more inclusive and find ways to get the right equipment so that people in a wheelchair can participate in a wheelchair basketball… on a GOYA basketball team. I just think we could work toward that, too, in time.

Presv. Mary: Exactly. And, Pres. Mel, I wanted William to also respond to what it meant to him to serve in the altar.

Mr. Christy: I will say, for me, growing up with my dad, he was busy, but he made time for us at the home. I was trying to find ways to maybe spend—we were trying to find ways to spend time with each other more often, and then the altar was like that avenue, because it was… Not only are we spending time together, but we have one common goal in serving God. I remember that same night when we finished that service, the first night I became an altar boy. I must have talked for three straight hours, and my dad was trying to sleep. [Laughter] I said, “Dad! It was so cool! I can’t wait to serve next time!” I was like: “Wow! How often do you guys do this?” Stuff like that.

Presv. Mary: There was a rotation schedule, and I wanted to share… We were there Sundays. I mean, there were, of course, times when you had a child sick or there’s a commitment that unfortunately needs to be met, and you’re unable to attend with a family commitment outside the city. But, bearably, on those alternating Sundays when he was not serving in the altar, we would all sit together, the kids and I, and a lot of times with the other youth, as a family, and then with the youth. When it came time for Communion, I was always taking on that role in the Memphis parish, Annunciation. And at 11 he just sort of looked at me and said, “I got this,” and that was the time when I said, “That’s good. That’s good. I don’t need to be watching him every second.” Now, Gabriella, his twin, also did this.

And I did also want to mention that in Raleigh, Holy Trinity in Raleigh, here where we are, William has actually… Well, first he teaches Sunday school, but secondly he has also given quite a few sermons that are very well received. In fact, I posted one sermon from Fr. Paul one week and a sermon from William the following week, and I said, “Well, you’re neck-and-neck right now on likes.” [Laughter] I don’t know! And everybody’s like, “Make sure William gets some sermons!” [Laughter] So his faith really came through with this cross that we have.

Presv. Melanie: That’s beautiful. Now, I’m wondering, just in talking about that: Gabriella, you went into licensed counseling, you do play therapy. Has your experience with William shaped any of those decisions, or do you think you were just always bent on that ministry or way to… profession, I guess I could say?

Ms. Christy: That’s a great question. So in eighth grade I took a career test, and the first result was religious leader, and I said, “Well, as a female, I can’t be a priest, so what’s next?” [Laughter] I knew that I wanted to be in a field that helps people, I guess because of my influence with my twin and definitely to work with children. I find that a lot of adults that say, “Oh, it all started when I was this age,” so my goal is to meet kids where they are and give them those coping skills early on so that when they grow up they don’t have to continue therapy but they can be self-reliant.

With my brother and watching how people interact with him or if they were timid around him before speaking to him, I would just say, “Hey, come up and join us,” and once they got comfortable, broke the ice with William, then I think some of their misconceptions went aside and they could see: “Oh, maybe I was fearful in my mind, but once putting it into practice,” it’s not what they thought.

I think one major part about being a therapist is teaching your clients how to advocate for themselves, and I have definitely had to advocate for William on multiple occasions. I would try to explain to William, because he’ll say, as I’ve said before, “Don’t make a scene, Gaby. It’s okay, Gaby,” and then I would say, “William, sometimes it’s not just for you personally, but for the people after you.” So I’ve taken that to heart oftentimes when I see some misjustice on William, and we make sure that people behind him will have a better path than what he may have gone through. So, yes, it has definitely influenced my career path, along with my faith. Those two kind of go hand-in-hand with working in a helping field.

Presv. Melanie: And it’s true. You said to William he may not have wanted you to make a scene. “I don’t want my sister to always be fighting for me” or whatever, but at the same time it’s not just about your family. It’s about correcting misconceptions and teaching people so that there won’t be stigmas attached or there won’t be injustices in the future, because people generally are open to learning, and sometimes it just needs to be pointed out what or where the error is or where the misconception is. Very wise.

So I could talk to you all all day, but we are sort of closing in on the time that we have, so I’m just going to ask a couple more questions. One is, maybe quickly, what you think your greatest strength is as a family? Each of you, maybe give a little sentence about that.

Fr. Paul: The greatest strength as a family. Acknowledgment of our dependence on the Lord and his Church, I would say for now. That is a big asset for us. I don’t know anything after that!

Presv. Mary: I think for me I would say for me, and of course echoing with Father, is the unconditional love that we not only have for each other but that we have for everyone, and we’re not judgmental. That doesn’t even come into our practice; we just don’t think like that. We just want the best for everybody. Those who are suffering, we’re going to pray for them, and we also ask for prayers for us.

Mr. Christy: I would say that it’s our ability to always give each other advice no matter how dark things go for us.

Presv. Mary: Very good.

Ms. Christy: And I would add our communication. I text with William every day, and I text with my parents as well, and if there’s ever any crisis any time of day or night, I know whom to call, and I know they’ll answer. I believe that that would be a gift for all families, is to have open communication as much as you can.

Presv. Melanie: Amen. So in closing, could you give any words of encouragement to other families, if one or more members has a disability?

Presv. Mary: So I’m going to go first on that one, Presvytera. I believe that first you go to church, and you meet with your priest and don’t give up. Even if you’re not having a great moment on that particular Sunday or outing, you just keep persevering and keep praying, and know that you can’t do everything and that’s okay. Everybody has a disability; some are more visible than others, so you just keep at it and never give up.

Fr. Paul: Yeah, and I would say don’t be surprised if you run into people who are awkward and don’t know exactly what to do. Don’t let it surprise you. Don’t let it hurt you. Don’t take it personally. Eventually, like Presvytera said, you just hang in there, and the Lord will provide a way where this thing becomes a crown. But you have to patiently endure for that crown.

Ms. Christy: Okay, and then for me, something that came to mind throughout this podcast is God doesn’t make mistakes. So I believe that when William came to my high school class to talk about CP, he said, “I wouldn’t change it. This is all I know, and I love my life.” And I think that’s something that people need to hear, that it’s not this devastating thing; it’s what you make of it. And we definitely, as a family, have made it a positive. William is treated equally, and we love him.

Fr. Paul: Equally? He’s treated better than anybody! [Laughter]

Presv. Melanie: I’m going to ask William to close on this one.

Mr. Christy: Okay. I believe in our last conversation we talked about having… the Church having opportunities, or people with disabilities making opportunities for themselves to have activities within the Church or participation in the Church. I would say, if you’re having trouble finding or making those opportunities happen, I would say talk to your priest or talk to one of the lead people in any of the ministries, saying, “I would like to figure out how I can participate in… parish council or the Philoptochos or anything like that, any of the outreach ministries that all the Orthodox churches have.” I feel like that initial step, just to show interest, could break down any barriers that the church might have.

Presv. Melanie: Excellent. Thank you so much, all of you. We’ve been blessed to be talking with the Christy family, and I feel so blessed by your story. Thank you for sharing.

Presv. Mary: Thank you for having us. We love you.

Fr. Paul: Thank you, Presvytera! We could talk to you all day, too. I’m telling you, there’s a million stories. Oh my goodness!

Presv. Melanie: We’ll do it again, then.

Fr. Paul: All right!

Ms. Christy: Thank you.