Dear listeners, the following letter was written in 2014 to Fr. Mark Leasure, the guardian of the Kardiotissa icon of the Mother of God. It was written by a 14-year-old camper out of gratitude for the miraculous healing she experienced within her heart during the paraklesis service to which Fr. Mark brought the icon at Camp Nazareth, during the Greek Orthodox Metropolis of Pittsburgh summer camp program. Fr. Mark related to me that the young woman is doing remarkably well, and that he continues to see her when he visits the camp program which she now attends as a counselor, helping other young women to place their hope and trust in the Virgin Mary’s supplications. She writes:

Dear Fr. Mark,

Your beautiful icon of the Kardiotissa has changed my life. I would like you to pray with Panagia to help me with my struggles in life and to pray for all people who feel the need to put others down, including me. For the past year and a half, I have been suicidal, with dark views and thoughts about life. I have especially been troubled by anxiety and depression, but, with the experience with your icon at Camp Nazareth the third week of camp 2014, and then again yesterday on August 13, it felt like the Panagia took my heart in her hands and pieced it back together, leaving it unbroken and beautiful. The Panagia also led me to other people who have had the same struggle as I, and helped me tell them that they are not alone.

Before this life-changing experience with the icon, I thought that I was alone in my battle, with nobody to talk to, nobody to understand me, and nobody to help me. In the past, I became more and more distant from God and the Church. Though I still went to church every Sunday with my family, I felt like I was alone in a roomful of people. It is the worst feeling to have when going through a time like my own. My thoughts became even darker, to the point that I would come home from school, go to my room, and self-harm. My thoughts of suicide increased, and I have attempted suicide a total of four times.

It is hard to explain how my encounter with the Kardiotissa changed me. It was almost as if my life skipped before my eyes, and the next thing I knew I was on my knees, praying and crying for my soul. In school, it was very hard to find friends. It was a horrible feeling to have people call me fat, ugly, and a failure. I would come home and cry myself to sleep at night, and I would try to grasp the last sliver of hope that was left in my soul. The Panagia gave me hope. She helped me pull myself out of the darkness and reminded me that God gave me my life, and it wasn’t mine to take. I realized that I could use the gifts that God gave me to express my brokenness and hurt in positive ways—through my sketches, in playing the piano—rather than breaking my skin and leaving scars on my body. After all, God made all of us, and God doesn’t make mistakes.

I now look at the scars, and I see evidence of a battle—and a victory. I have no fear, because I know that if I fall, I will be brought back up by my God and the Panagia. I know how to love, because I have felt hate. I can laugh, because I have felt sadness. My life without faith would be like an unsharpened pencil: there is no point. The Panagia has given me such a positive experience. She helped me turn a mess into a message, a test into a testimony, a trial into a triumph, and a victim into a victory.

The Panagia is worthy to be praised. Whether we know it or not, she is always with us. I am so fortunate to have experienced her presence and to have the Mother of God in my life. She will always have a special place in my heart. I pray for all the people who feel the need to end their lives. They need to realize that they can overcome their struggles and that they will come out ten times stronger. Just hold on, because the pain ends. They do not have to end the pain themselves. Remember that love looks forward, hate looks back, and anxiety has eyes all over its head.

I used to worry about a lot of things until I realized that worry casts a big shadow on the smallest things in life. I was so sad when someone would call me ugly or fat or when people would even punch me. I learned not to despise them but to pray for them. Usually the things they say to hurt you are expressions of their own insecurities. Depression can be very difficult. You feel a sadness you have never felt before. You become so used to the sadness that you don’t cry any more, because your heart cannot possibly be more broken than it already is. You learn to cover everything up with a dazzling smile that makes you even more alone, because nobody suspects that you are struggling. As soon as you are alone, you break down crying, and hurting more than ever physically and emotionally.

The Kardiotissa has made me so grateful. I now realize that I was never alone, just too depressed to open my eyes to the world. If faith is all you have, you have all you need. Learn to love everything you have. Always let your faith be bigger than your fear, and you will realize, as I did, that anything is possible. Fr. Mark, it is my birthday, and I am spending it in my room listening to the paraklesis service and writing everything down that I have been feeling. The Theotokos in her awesome presence is the best thing that has come into my life. I plan to pray in front of my icon every day for the rest of my life. Most teenagers my age, 14, have not yet experienced the importance of faith, and I am so grateful that I have. It is a true blessing.

In my favorite service, the paraklesis, I found a verse that described my life to the point that I cry whenever I hear it.

With many temptations surrounding me, searching for salvation, I have sought refuge in you. O Mother of the Word and Ever-Virgin, from all distresses and dangers deliver me.

When your icon came to camp, I was speechless. The only thing I could do was cry. The Theotokos answered my prayer. How often does this happen, I wonder. I was so overwhelmed, I think I forgot to breathe. I had not a care in the world about how I sounded or looked, with make-up streaming down my face or singing like a crying baby—I was in the presence of the Theotokos! How could I care about what anyone thought of me in that moment?

Fr. Mark, if you have gone out of your way to read this for me, I thank you so very much. It is a miracle to know that the Panagia has healed my heart, and I just want to thank you for allowing me to experience her through this wondrous icon. I pray that I may have repentance for all my sins, and that the Panagia will stay in my life forever.

This miracle was shared on Ancient Faith Radio, that we may believe that Jesus is the Christ and that, believing, we may have life in his name.